The story so far: in the beginning the earth was created. That led to a jamboree in the universe; but a set of extraterrestrial species were angry. They regarded that as a bad move; they thought humans will overpower one and all. And that happened. The humans evolved at a lightening speed. They came ruthlessly, they saw with bloodshot eyes, and they conquered with vengence. Nothing could stop them on their march towards glory.
But then, 'it'happened to earth. And nothing made the aliens more happy to find one of its kind finding its feet on planet earth.
You would want to know more of it, its time of birth, its gender, its childhood, its upbringing, its thought process, its life so far, its dispair; but no need to go into it, it was that wasted. Infact, T.S. Elliot wrote Waste Land. But 'it' was a far bigger waste than anything that a human could ever imagine.
But whether it was the 'wastest of all' that one couldn't help but notice or whether that title would be taken up by some lessser specie.. like say some human, you will be able to decide that on your own..just read on.
So, what made it so different you might ask!
- People tapped his mouth and wrote 'shhhh'. Because it was so full of shit.
- It stood with a big vessel on its shoulders posing cross-legged, with a wide smile, while a dog is passing by without noticing it. Because it was so good-for-nothing kinda specie.
- It could shake a leg and hand, and what-not parts of its body in the most unrhythmic way that only it could perform. Because it was so away from us humans.
- It layed its hands on men and women with such ease and elan with ziltch effort. Because its hands like serpentine could slither on anything and all.
- It was the 'butt' in the butt of jokes. And it had no qualms about it, instead enjoyed that title. Because.. can't say this again and again.. it was not a human.
- It had a certain dislike for a certain human called Aaron. And it made it very clear by pulling Aaron by any part of his body that was jutting out: including tongue, balls, and.. feel free to imagine. Because if it disliked someone, it disliked someone. Period.
- It could eat food of God knows what number of people, if served. Because it liked shitting. So it ate and ate.. to shit more.
- It was a workcoholic.. worked on weekends too. But that was far from the truth. Because it never worked. It was like a pig.. and lazy was its middle name.
- Its' stomach buldged out too. Some might think it was carrying another it. Maybe. Maybenot. But if that is true, planet earth is being colonized by this baffoonery baffling bizzare beacon of hope of aliens!
Btw.. before this piece saw the light of the day.. it has read this nonsensical unworthiest why-it-was-ever-written shitty piece! Let's say because it is a chutspah.. or say has chutzpah of brazenly owning this truth.
